“The strongest predictor of a child’s wellbeing is a parent’s self-understanding.”
– Dr. Dan Siegel –
Divorce signals the end of an intimate partnership for adults, but not the end of a family for children, and definitely not the end of co-parenting for parents. Many people find themselves with a post-decree parenting plan that either isn’t working for the family anymore, or is causing more confusion than clarity. What may have been the best plan at the time of divorce is no longer the best plan, and parents may even have different ideas about what changes should be made and how those changes should be implemented.
As Dan Siegel’s quote above suggests: one of the best gifts we can give our children is the gift of being aware of our own strengths, weaknesses, triggers, illusions, dreams, needs, tender spots, expectations, motivations, and blindspots. If a person is even a little bit self-aware, they’ll realize that marriage tends to reveal many of these things; parenting illuminates even more, and co-parenting is like standing in a bright, blinding spotlight. Not only do we become keenly aware of our own motivations during these times in life; the people with whom we are living our lives either benefit or suffer from our level of awareness and our willingness to remain curious, open and committed to growth (most especially, our children). One of my favorite authors, Richard Rohr, says, “What we don’t transform, we transmit”, and I couldn’t agree more.
My own journey of co-parenting has been my greatest teacher, and I am passionate about helping people find ways to navigate their journey with awareness, courage, and we can’t forget humor! There’s no way to look at ourselves honestly without the ability to simultaneously hold intention and gravity with the ability to also not take ourselves too seriously!
If you find yourself looking for a co-parent coach or mediator, and the philosophy I’ve talked about above resonates with you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I offer mediation services to help you work through acute situations, and I also offer on-going co-parent coaching to help you grow as co-parents.
I’m a trained mediator through Northwestern University, and I work with The Collaborative Divorce of Illinois initiative as a divorce coach and child specialist. I’ve worked on many collaborative divorce cases, and I’m finding this work to be one of my greatest professional passions. I’m an eternal optimist, and no matter how difficult your situation is, I believe that with the right motivation, skill development, and intentional action, there is always a path forward…and whenever parents engage in this process, everyone benefits, most especially your children!
I assure you that even though you and your co-parent now live in two different homes, it is more than possible to discover and strengthen the ways you can give your child/children a solid sense of family, loaded up with confidence, love, respect, and belonging!
